The Day the World Went Out to Get Some Ice Cream

The last few months of last year have been full of trials, to say the least.  That it took me a few months since my last substantial blog post speaks volumes in itself.  I seem to have to overburdened myself with work, both in the office and in church, while still managing to accomplish as little as possible in the process.  In doing so I lost sight of what matters.  I lost control somewhere along the road, allowing certain aspects of my once so rigidly-controlled life to slip out of my hands.  It’s as if I popped out of the driver’s seat to get some ice cream in the middle of rush-hour traffic in EDSA, only to return and find that the stoplight turned green in my absence.

The good thing in all of this is that I still come out the better despite the many trials, and failures, of that year.  I feel that have grown to better accept myself as I truly am.  More conscious of my shortcomings and more willing to admit them.  A side effect of this new found self-awareness is that I seem to be able to get along with others better.  I forgot where I read it, but someone once wrote that those who are the best at empathizing with others are also the most self-aware.  Conversely, show me a person who can’t understand others and I’ll show you a hypocrite.  You’re looking at him…  That is to say, my rose-tinted glasses have become a little more clearer, and I feel that I am better able to see myself as the flawed person that I am.

In fact, it seems that the more I grow, the more I realize that I have a lot to change.  Indeed, this is what the Lord intends for us all.  To realize how desperately in need we are of Him.  I bet this was all in His plan for me after all.  A bet which I undoubtedly win thanks to God’s omniscience and timelessness.  As a recovering, self-confessed control-freak, I found it very disconcerting that I let myself go in such a manner.

Still, the Lord reminds me always of His power over me and His unwillingness to give up on such a hopeless case.  Resistance is futile.  The only options I have right now are to change for the better, or to continue spiraling uncontrollably towards the entropy of a life in disarray.  I can only hope this year will find me closer to Him and more yielding to His inexorable, life-changing Will.